So, try to know, whether he has stopped watching your stories or everyone's stories. Id say all this really depends on the details. He can then act like he is doing you a favor by being with you. I was in a relationship like this! Like, it is AWESOME if you ate a bunch of vegetables that you wanted to eat because you thought they sounded delicious and healthy, and it is also and equally AWESOME if you.. ahem did not. Id still be loved (and unhassled!!) My husband is in a club that meets once a month when he has that meeting I have Chipotle for dinner. You are the boss of you. He says that he still loves me even if I dont do these things (but it doesnt feel that way to me). No. Seriously, FUCK HIM (and not in a fun way). And it is reasonable to want people who are important in your life to be supportive and helpful. Him: You havent been to the gym today! When its not great, things like this are no longer handled delicately If hes yelling at you over small things, there is no way his head is still in it. Can you sock some money away for a rainy day? It's no secret that men aren't eager to discuss feelings. And because he had explained all this, if I wasnt working out enough, he didnt feel heard.. something her boyfriend disagrees with, he ought to say, I really disagree with that or I really dont think thats a good idea. Instead hes cutting her down and belittling her. Its a bit like regaining your sense of smell after a bad cold: not the sign that youre fully healed, but you are going to be ok. It can sometimes be really helpful to challenge yourself, whether thats to exercise more or read more or keep things cleaner around the house. He certainly doesnt track what Im eating / what exercise I am doing unless I ask him to make me accountable which only happens when I know I need that boot in the bum and cant justify a personal trainer. And remember you are AWESOME for taking care of yourself and making such good progress. He may even try and find an alternative route so he can avoid spending time alone with you, or cancel at the last moment if he does suggest it because something came up. And doing more productive self care is often incredibly hard. And you know what? When people get all up on how logical and not swayed by petty emotions they are, I always end up thinking about the narrator of Ancillary Justice an AI whos been programmed with emotions because they *allow her to make better decisions*. man, you know, there is even an episode of star trek entirely about how when Spock tries to logic everything, the human crew gets really upset with him and McCoy is like emotion exists you dick and Spocks like the deuce you say BUT THEN HE STARTS TO ACCOUNT FOR HUMAN EMOTIONS IN HIS DECISION MAKING AND STUFF WORKS BETTER. The first thing is take a deep breath, relax. Going from being in a rough place to feeling better is a huge accomplishment, but it can be a tender one too. I think there are some other strategies you can follow that will improve things for you. Or, if you can handle it, let them know that you think your friendship has run its course because you are at two different points in life. Nows a good time to reflect on what each one has done throughout their entire relationship. When i try to move the battery lock switch thing it doesn`t move and it`s like stuck. The boyfriend may well not be reasonable. It sings a familiar refrain, and it so neatly echoes what your Jerkbrain sounds like or sounded like before you started getting treatment for your depression. There are certainly some grave warning signs here the passive aggression being one of them; its so easy to let someone know how little you mean to them by ignoring them in the day to day, withdrawing affection and communication. Some people even go on partial social media detox by simply using them for messaging, on the other hand avoiding watching people's stories. Mmmm. I agree! For example, depression is very tiring in itself. And really, your joy is important. *I do not recommend you use this tone, Im just naturally combative and I hate being told what to do. You know way better than any of us how useful this phrase will be. This is a good question for a conversation with your boyfriend if indeed thats what has been going on! Why dont we call it quits, then, and see if somebody else might not make you happier?. Is he happy? And at one point ran into one of his grown kids from the first family on a boardwalk. I love it, he doesnt. But I really appreciate CAs gentleness to LW about that. When a relationship is 50/50 on decisions (yes, you have equal say!) It could be as simple as he just no longer feels like being around you, which means there isnt much motivation for making an effort either. This, again, is part of why we dont have a good relationship). Dumping him when it became clear hed rather boss me around than support me! Annnnnd, suddenly I understand why my husband is forever puttering about in the garden. You are healing, why shouldnt your home and your relationship be a place you can feel comfortable? (From knowing my mother I now if shed had any reservations she would have allowed herself to tell me about them as many times as she could. If he makes you feel like crap about yourself, then you will feel like no one else will want to be with you. Absolutely. Continuing to put in effort for someone who isnt putting any into you is only going to lead to more frustration and resentment neither of which will make either one of you happy or satisfied long term. In the latter casetry the scripts here for some firmer words of quit that already, mention that you *have* a therapist and this is their *job* and his job now is to be a listening ear and a source of happiness and relaxation, and if he still refuses to comply, dump him. Unfortunately, these storytellers dont get it. He stopped trying "He stopped trying, I couldn't even remember the last time we went on a real date. If I turn back to him and say I dont feel like it, hes completely down with that. either way. Even from a 5-year-old thats pretty immature. If you can see your fine self, he might fear that you he has to keep you under his thumb to keep you by his side. Try Meetup.com, a class, finding an exercise buddy who is at your level and who likes to do the same stuff you like, volunteering. Theres a lot of power in taking full ownership of the decision to take more autonomy over your choices. He doesnt want you to be as well as possible (AWAP), he wants your illness to be gone. Then perhaps from there they can move towards leaving. If youve ever had that feeling of emptiness in the pit of your stomach, when you realize your boyfriend stopped making an effort to make things work with you, this article is for you. Comfort from a relationship is something you are allowed to want. You see, even though neither of us is a terrible person and we both had really good intentions and cared for each other, we had gotten into a deep pattern of being good for each other (even though we werent) and supporting [Partner] (even though we werent) and staying together because we needed that (even though we didnt). Because housework affects everyone in the house, but what LW puts in their body, and how LW exercises? Maybe just focus on the making yourself happy part for now, and your partner can either help or GTFO. Hello, me from the past! And with your wife, there may be things you can do that help, but they are probably concrete gestures. I dont know. So pointing out that their inspirations and coaching actually make it worse probably wont make it through either. If you suggest doing something with him or if he is the one to bring it up, he will always say maybe. I am a very logically-minded person who has come to the conclusion that acting as though human beings are robots is a profoundly illogical thing to do. Replace depression with cancer, and see what Im talking about. If I have to cook a decent meal for the toddler, may as well cook for two at once, right? anyone who doesnt think youre good enough does not deserve you. I have a friend who often makes himself go to social outings, because hes noticed the pattern within himself that he usually feels like bailing and not going when an event is about to happen, but if he makes himself go, he usually has a good time and is glad that he did. He no longer asks you about what happened during the day, if you had plans with friends or family, or anything of the sort. When in reality there was an awful lot of family abandoning and not marrying your pregnant girlfriend going on in the past as well. Remember that there are always reasons why people do the things they do. All unsolicited helping has a certain degree of arrogance to it because it necessarily implies that the helpee could not get this done without you. I hate those inspirational stories. In retrospect I think that I was correct about her commitment level BUT I still put all the focus on her rather than dealing with my own portion of those concerns and my personal issues. The Captains comment, For a relationship to survive a crisis like that, you have to like the person (not just love them) and respect the person (not just love them) especially rings true for me. It kind of seems like he is very invested in being the one in control of your life and success, and that is at great odds with your wish to be the captain of your own ship, as it were. LW, if he is not listening to your stated boundaries, its not because you are not being clear/logical/reasonable enough so he can understand. He might also benefit from seeing a therapist or counsellor himself to get some help supporting you. I know hes great and all LW, but everything I read about him makes me twitch.. I wholeheartedly agree. Weve been through some really hard times and some very good and stable times. Your Jerkbrain is telling you that youre never going to find someone else who will put up with you. You cant have all your food be treats otherwise youre not actually eating healthy food, but they are needed or you burn out and develop an eating disorder. for forward and backward evolution. Hooo yes. But it will definitely *not* help if Im already in a funk, other than possibly giving me an excuse to go outside and do something vaguely useful-feeling. A lot of writing (calling, whatever) to advice people seems to be this. I cant leave my house very much. One way to equalize a relationship like this while still showing care for your partners mental health is to maybe suggest fun things to do TOGETHER. Rest days are a vital part of an exercise routine. When your brain says ok, Im done exercising today, and instead of that being paired with anticipation of his disapproval, there is just sweet, sweet self-accepting silence. I appreciate that you care about me, but Im good, so lets change the topic.. Get him to chase you instead." That is good friendly advice but there's a little more to it than that. Respect is really important in relationships. I had a sudden and first time episode of pretty bad depression after being with my husband for 5+ years. Really, Im sure it is for someone. Hit the gym. And Im never one to turn down a good Jedi telehug, so thanks for that too. Its more like, I am too physically exhausted to self-sabotage by not getting enough sleep. 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