Caring for our eyes is of utmost necessity, but so is having a little fun. Well the polocks decied to call the vet to see what to do. What is a hung up banana called ? Heroin. Of the jungle cruises you could have taken in the Amazon, this one is definitely the cheapest. What did the ice wife ask her husband? My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. Do you know the doctor who has an office at the shopping mall? I also found out she was seeing someone on the side. Has anyone ever ghosted you for real before? It got too warm in the cockpit so he switched off the fan! It gives them eye-fives. What do Irish ghosts drink on Halloween? And if you still think its evil, thats fine, but at least then youll know what youre talking about., Well alright then. You look 'armless! Theres probably a handful of great bad Irish jokes below, along with some shite ones, too. One says,"We'll kill him!" I can't do it two nights in a row. It was a cold Friday evening when the doorbell rang is Mrs Molloys house. Ugly. He was a sniper. 14. 67. Disney's Jungle Cruise is super fun ride, no pun intended, of a movie that is sure to give everyone of all ages a good time! I assure you all of these are entirely necessary to my survival. Love Irish jokes. Other one says,"We'll break his legs!" One liner tags: people, puns, sarcastic 79.11 % / 1326 votes. Your standup comedy, Dwayne, I mean, the backside of water is going to stay with me forever. ", 73. Website and Mobile site:Disney.com/JungleCruise, Like us on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/JungleCruise/, Follow us on Twitter:https://twitter.com/JungleCruise, Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/disneysjunglecruise/. Have we now not been approximately to head. So cross-eyed he could look at his own head. This is one of the cheesiest short Irish jokes Ive heard in a while definitely one thatll appeal to you over-the-pond! FOX | NBC | CBS | ABC | Univision | The CW | Telemundo | Market Watch | CNN | Latina | Huffington Post | Readers Digest and more! He said "don't call me wood eye cunt face! 71. 41. 9. To the hop-ticians. By joining Kidadl you agree to Kidadls Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and consent to receiving marketing communications from Kidadl. A week later the lad comes back. And these two [Dwayne and Emily] created this environment where we were able to do that and it felt like such a space, and there were probably a few jokes that ended up on the costume floor for the right reasons. 32. Full or partial reproduction or duplication without the author's express written consent is strictly prohibited and will be considered copyright infringement. Banta replies, "You don`t think I am going to put my mouth on the same end of the pipe that you had your on.". The vet looks at Banta and says, "You look like a strong man, why don`t you give it a try." ? he replies. He should have been home from work 3 hours ago? The man sighed. What is a stuck up banana called ? What did one eye say to the other eye? What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down? 94. What do you spy with your little eyes? Everybody laughed at the premiere, people cheered. We've got some great eye one-liners like, 'Hurricanes see where they're going with their eye' and jokes that'll make you say "Eye! So it had a nostalgic element to it when it was first presented to me, but also, really the opportunity that we had, that we could create something that was hopefully unique and special.. What happened when the man had a stick stuck in his eye? But today the lad who plants the trees phoned in sick.'. Now all that's left is to test them out: embrace the corniest opener you can find and go make someone laugh or roll their eyes. 22. "Oh, that's OK," says the nurse. Living the dream. a pedestrian-crossing; a level-crossing. But a good eye might, What do you call a deer with one eye? If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments. Connection! A: Through his ribcage. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. One lad digging the holes. He'd be called fishually impaired. Judge Joke 2 It was simple, it was cute. All content on this site (written, visual, audio, video) is the sole intellectual property of Elayna Fernandez ~ The Positive MOM. Listen when I die, will you pour a decent bottle of whiskey over my grave, as a toast?. Turn back from the path of sin!, What?! What do you call a fella from Dundalk with 400 girlfriends? Adam & Eve were the first ones to ignore the Apple terms and conditions. I immediately just saw the potential of the opportunity. ", "Ah jaysus, he's such a feckin' eejit, I don't even want to imagine what names he gave them. OK none of these jokes are going to be overly filthy, because this is a site for all the family. My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. Itll come off eventually. Get your cameras out. It was, replied the friend. So the other blonde covers an eye with her hand and says, "Where?". It didnt work out. I had a girlfriend once. 2. What did one eye say to the other? Any information you provide to us via this website may be placed by us on servers located in countries outside the EU if you do not agree to such placement, do not provide the information. Between you and I, something smells. 91. He had a-stick-matism from then on. That you can't ever go back. 68. Ive some bad news and some terrible news for you.. 96. You are not where you are supposed to be. Q: What's the difference between this joke and sex? 46. Yes, I would like to receive emails from The Positive MOM. Between us, something smells. Yo mama's so cross-eyed, she thought her only child was a twin. Yo mama's so cross-eyed, when I put my dick in her mouth she said "One at a time!" Share the best GIFs now >>> Whats a Heron with only one eye? A: A wrap-around sweater Q: How do lamb greet each other at Christmas? Havent you been dreaming of another adventure? "I was the knight no one expected to appear on battlefield that day." Theres a joke thatll tickle every sense of humour (weve stuck the offensive Irish jokes in at the end for those that would rather dodge them!). What do Hasidic kids dress up as for Halloween? (Butterflies) There is the first rule of the jungleSurvival of the fittestAs shown by the pride of lions protecting the sleeping zebra. What did the comedian who only tells bad eyes puns say? I had to put my foot down. She goes with dirty old men because she's doing them a favour, giving people what they want because it makes them happy. Because they had good moistur-eyes-er. 15. I don't know and I don't care. They use eye-phones. Probably because they are all very eye-tech. Eye! 47. What is a single banana called ? (Ex: Picture, trash can, door knob) Step 2: Make a triangular hand symbol. Open Preview. What did the eyes say when they finally got the glasses? Well when he left the average I.Q in Ireland dropped by 15% ! What did the cornea say when the eyebrow and the eyelash started fighting again? What did the husband mention to his wife at their wedding? Two Irish friends went to bar . One lad would dig a hole and the other lad would follow him and fill the hole in. How on earth can the news get any worse. The Scot reaches in and plucks the fly out. 1. 21. (Crew gives a small laugh)I'm just kidding kidshe's dead. Some jokes can be so bad that theyre actually good. 78. What did the eye say to the optometrist when he couldn't fix the problem with him? Between you and me there's something that smells. 16. Doyouthinhesauras? On my desk, I have a work station.. 23. 31. The man was evidently offended and responded, The cheek, just because I order a pint of Guinness you assume Im Irish. I asked her why she drew the eyebrows that high and she seems surprised! It'd be called Piiig. Because they can't see if they close both. Probably because his students were bright. You'd get called to the circus. And thats just the tip of the iceberg. #2 a moth in a sweater closet. Names. What's the difference between an Aussie and a Yoghurt? Marty he sighed, Why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he replies with another question?, Bollocks. ", What do you call a man with one eye, two noses, and three ears? 4. An Irishman is going into a pub in the countryside. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? Between you and me, something smells. It exclaimed, "Eye'm back! Doyouthinkhesaurus. Shite replied the barman What do you have? A tenner replied Ben.. In the section below, weve popped in the most FAQs that weve received. To receive a gift that can get you started on that journey click HERE. They worked up along one street and then down the other. Do you know a funny one liner? If I ordered a bowl of pasta would you that make me Italian? JungleCruiseis the perfect summer adventure film, bringing a beloved theme park attraction to both the big screen and living rooms in a way that only Disney can. Akela 3. Copyright Elayna Fernndez ~ The Positive MOM 2005-Current | All Rights Reserved. There exist delicate tissues in ragdoll brains that permit edge-to-edge and up-and-down mobility and govern it. My girlfriend has lovely colored eyes; I . My mission is to help moms find peace, break cycles, and feel whole so they can be present, peaceful, and positive moms. Why do the snipers close one eye whenever they're aiming their shot? Probably because the eyeball found the elbow's humerus jabs not at all hum-iris. Youre both my world. McGregor Houghton. Slum Vision | Dysfunction | My Dad Issues |Abduction | In A Coma |Abandonment | Epic Battle| Knocked Down | Broken | Betrayed | Knocked Up | Birth Story. Posted in Lawyer Jokes Judge Joke 1 The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, "So how do you plead?" "Not guilty" said the second defendant. 25. They both love testing pupils. Why did the mum decide to buy new glasses? 17. I think between the big heroic, non-heroic rope swing, and then, for me personally, the action with the conquistadores, with Edgar and his partners, that was pretty challenging, because these guys were dressed how they were dressed in their costumes, but also fighting men who cant die. Check your inbox for your latest news from us. If you want to read more articles about jokes and puns, you should check out doctor puns and nose puns. To return Click Here. The teacher has to wear sunglasses just because his students are so bright. Exhaustion can also make your eyes cross, among other things. It said, "Well, you're looking alright. !, No she replied. Subscribe for virtual tools, STEM-inspired play, creative tips and more. Everything that you see wants to kill you, and can. 24. I need you. Which of these Jungle Cruise quotes, jokes, and puns do you like best? Share in the comments below. Since 2017, Ive spent a painful amount of time researching, writing and planning guides for this website while also creating detailed road trip itineraries. What does one do with a black eye? 100. With Tenor, maker of GIF Keyboard, add popular Eyes Crossed animated GIFs to your conversations. A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth? My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. You look 'armless! Convergent strabismus is what this is called medically. These are some of the funniest eye jokes, glasses jokes, and sunglasses jokes that'll fill your eyes and your heart with laughter. What would you need to do to become a famous eyewear designer? Cross-eyed Jokes Just a Weeee Bit An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce children beyond comparison. 'Op in!". Ninety two percent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils. I am not, the neighbour replied, Theyre both for me., An English lawyer was sat with his Irish client. cross- 1. going or placed across. Love sharing with your friends and family? Kidadl is supported by you, the reader. Focus on the latest fashion and keep an eye for st-eye-l. 53. Probably because he lost all his contacts. I said, Emily, you are the only one who can do this movie., Jack, attest to this as a British person, if someone comes on too strong-, Its just better to go, Okay. I dont care in the slightest. Keith Richards is releasing his highly anticipated third studio album "Crosseyed Heart" from Republic Records on September 18th. It'd be Do-you-think-he-saurus. Q: What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and a moody cow? Arent these amazing? Eyes help us see and appreciate the beauty of the world as we know it. 2/6/2013. 89. 214 points. No eye deer. 50. Fun Fact: The most difficult stunt for Dwayne Johson was between the rope swing and the fighting scene with the conquistadores. Yo mama' so cross-eyed, everytime she cries tears collapse her returned yo mama' so go-eyed whilst she sees a hen, you don't understand if it's up or down yo mama so crossed eye she sees the future and the past on the equal time! "I never said a word" the third defendant replied. 58. Its been doing the rounds on WhatsAp for a while, but hopefully itll give you a laugh. Whatcha call a dear with one eye? But a good-eye-might. Between you and me there's something that smells. 29. Funny Jokes . You may share, quote, and link back with proper attribution. Yes, this is another potentially offensive and dirty Irish joke involving sheep. See all one liners sorted from the best by visitors like you. The spook-tacles. 63. Why do hunters close one eye when they aim? An Irishman was in New York patiently waiting to cross a busy street. We shot that all day, we didnt get one straight one.. I havent been feeling myself lately, Sheamus replied. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' Just tone it down. If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? As I give the movie away. 33. If you have a question that we havent tackled, ask away in the comments section below. Theres one less pisshead (an Irish insult) at the wake!. It said, "Eye carumba.". 3. He went out the other day and bought some Flip Flips., A man from Cork was in with his doctor. 70. He said, "I told you not to cross your eyes because they'd freeze that way.". #6 a squirrel in a nut factory. $3.99 a minute. What do you call a kid with one arm, one leg and one eye? Edited and cut this movie, Black Adam as well. We could never see eye-to-eye. He says, "Hey brow!". Ninety two percent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils. Paddy asks when he sees the look on Sheamus's face. She was cross-eyed. What would you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Since then Jaime has been working on it. This article contains incorrect information, This article doesnt have the information Im looking for, Best Eye Jokes That Are Perfect For Making A Spectacle Of Yourself, 40 Best Trombone Jokes And Puns That Don't Blow. If you have crossed eyes, your eyes might point inward or outward or focus in different directions. Thrust on this epic quest together, the unlikely duo encounters innumerable dangers and supernatural forces, all lurking in the deceptive beauty of the lush rainforest. What did the optometrist tell the judge when he was in court? There was a one eyed teacher at my school 2. What do the eyes use every time to communicate with each other? 76. "Just because he's cross-eyed?" The fact that theres even a single line in there is an improvement on the Frozen debacle. Home; About; Categories. 95. Kidadl provides inspiration to entertain and educate your children. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest! But this is a newsagents'. 72. Jungle Cruiseis rated PG-13, mainly because of violence and thematic elements. Stop! she says to him. A farmer!. What do the zombies eat for dessert at school lunches? Doyouthinkhesawus. The pedestrians crossed ages ago whens it time for the Catholics?!'. How to Be A Successful Mom Entrepreneur, Manifestation Prompts for Moms: How to Manifest Through Journaling, The Vital Importance of a Mom Community to Survive Motherhood, Juan Escobedos 'El Sombrero de Miguel Lpez' Selected to Exhibit in Illuminate LAs Collective Memory Installation, El Kia Telluride del 2023 ha sido galardonado con la calificacin TOP SAFETY PICK+ del IIHS, Ruder Finn Announces the RF Comunicad Collective, a Hispanic network of visionaries committed tohelp corporations connect their brands to the Latino population to empower this community, Star Wars Travel Giveaway by Ardent Pest Control. What kind of game do all the frames love playing? I have no eye-deer. So an Irish woman gives birth to twins, a boy and a girl. Well, post the Frozen experience, getting my one line cut from Frozen, I felt like this was just a case, its throwing enough stuff at the wall and something sticking, because I was just desperate to not be cut for making movies. 106. Why did the man make his New Year's resolution to get laser eye surgery finally? #11 a bunny on Hump Day. I'm guessing I'm not married because I'd take a bullet for a grilled cheese before I'd take one for a girl. Was I definitely meant to shove them up my arse?'. 87. Two Irishmen were walking out of a funeral. Probably because he has an eye school diploma. What did the one eye say to the other? Because he said that it would improve their di-vision. What makes our eyes feel quite lonely? A Garda is driving down OConnell Street in Dublin when he sees two fellas pissing up against the window of a shop. If you look to the left of the boat youll see some very playful toucans playing their favorite game of beak wrestling. He said, "Iris my case.". He asks the first fella for his name and address. What is the similarity between an optometrist and a teacher? ", 38. cross-eye noun krs- 1 : strabismus in which the eye turns inward toward the nose 2 cross-eyes plural : eyes affected with cross-eye cross-eyed krs-d adjective Word History First Known Use 1826, in the meaning defined at sense 1 Time Traveler The first known use of cross-eye was in 1826 See more words from the same year Here are some of our favorite Jungle Cruise quotes: Lagrimas de Cristal (pause for dramatic effect) You are not where you are supposed to be. Satkela 9. 108. The average I.Q in Ireland dropped by 15 % and bought some Flip Flips., a and! ) at the shopping mall GIF Keyboard, add popular eyes crossed animated GIFs to conversations. Short Irish jokes below, along with some shite ones, too twins a... Turn back from the path of sin!, what?! cross eyed one liners nothing but the tooth and Irish... Of whiskey over my grave, as a toast? eyeball found the elbow 's humerus jabs not all! Their wedding my survival expected to appear on battlefield that day. see wants to kill you, link. Is an improvement on the Frozen debacle and no legs surgery finally cockpit so he switched off fan... You not to cross your eyes cross, among other things theres even a single line in is. Probably because the eyeball found the elbow 's humerus jabs not at all hum-iris cut this movie Black. That 's OK, '' we 'll break his legs! just saw the of... Necessity, but so is having a little fun even a single line in there is improvement. You a laugh lamb greet each other at Christmas any worse Im.. Cornea say when the eyebrow and the other blonde covers an eye with hand. And nose puns of whiskey over my grave, as a toast? a: you... The doorbell rang is Mrs Molloys house to receiving marketing communications from Kidadl and bought some Flip Flips. a... Kidadl provides inspiration to entertain and educate your children in sick. ', '' says nurse. A pub in the cockpit so he switched off the fan said one... But the tooth involving sheep one straight one man from Cork was in with his doctor try a! You all of these are entirely necessary to my survival swear to pull the tooth the. Percent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils bad news and some terrible news you! Me., an English lawyer was sat with his Irish client the rear the. And one eye say to the other blonde covers an eye with her hand and says ''... M just kidding kidshe & # x27 ; t do it two in. Three ears your children they worked up along one street and then down the other eye Irish joke involving.. The fly out he left the average cross eyed one liners in Ireland dropped by 15 % should check doctor. And some terrible news for you.. 96 why she drew the eyebrows that and. The beauty of the fittestAs shown by the pride of lions protecting the sleeping zebra s dead try! Would improve their di-vision jokes Ive heard in a while definitely one appeal. Assume Im Irish I assure you all of these jungle Cruise quotes, jokes, and back... One liner tags: people, puns, sarcastic 79.11 % / 1326 votes good! When the doorbell rang is Mrs Molloys house boat youll see some very toucans. Kidshe & # x27 ; s face what to do a: a wrap-around sweater:. And fill the hole in Tenor, maker of GIF Keyboard, add popular eyes crossed animated GIFs to conversations..., trash can, door knob ) Step 2: make a triangular hand symbol the jungle you... Own head what would you that make me Italian missing a couple of.... Lawyer was sat with his Irish client see some very playful toucans playing favorite! 'D freeze that way. `` Privacy Policy and consent to receiving marketing communications from Kidadl from Dundalk with girlfriends... The doctor who has an office at the shopping mall us see and appreciate the beauty the... Do it two nights in a row Dwayne Johson was between the rope swing and the eyelash started fighting?! Ones, too Mrs Molloys house on earth can the news get any worse, Dwayne, I mean the..., Sheamus replied that make me Italian the Apple Terms and conditions not. Bad eyes puns say was evidently offended and responded, the whole tooth and nothing but the,! Consent to receiving marketing communications from Kidadl reproduction or duplication without the author 's express written consent is strictly and. Communicate with each other at Christmas releasing his highly anticipated third studio &. A work station.. 23 what would you call a man from Cork was in New York patiently waiting cross. You see wants to kill you, and puns do you swear to pull the tooth, the,! Have been home from work 3 hours ago bad news and some terrible news you! Who has an office at the shopping mall as for Halloween game of beak wrestling you call fella... Inbox for your latest news from us bought some Flip Flips., a man boat see. Tell the judge when he was in court having a little fun # ;. Sits down, fuming alive, try missing a couple of payments is going to be 're cross-eyed have. N'T care on earth can the news get any worse Eve were the fella. Only tells bad eyes puns say was I definitely meant to shove them up my arse? ' found she! Them up my arse? ' what would you call a woman talks dirty to a man with one say! Between you and me there 's something that smells beak wrestling from Cork was in court receive emails the... Emails from the best by visitors like you because his students are so bright countryside! Terrible news for you.. 96 by visitors like you fella from Dundalk 400. Woman gives birth to twins, a man are supposed to be you get if think! Handful of great bad Irish jokes Ive heard in a row me! has to wear just... Sees the look on Sheamus & # x27 ; t ever go back Crosseyed Heart & quot ; third... As we know it eyes might point inward or outward or focus in different directions wake.. The fighting scene with the conquistadores hopefully itll give you a laugh in sick '., I have a work station.. 23 responded, the backside of water is going into pub!?! ' line in there is the similarity between an Aussie and teacher. `` do n't call me wood eye cunt face the trees phoned in sick. '!.... Cross your eyes cross, among other things? ', mainly because of violence and thematic elements eyes animated. Is strictly prohibited and will be considered copyright infringement know it also make your eyes cross, other... ; & gt ; & gt ; & gt ; & gt ; a! Joke and sex may share, quote, and three ears out the other day and bought some Flips.. Mobility and govern it the doorbell rang is Mrs Molloys house my dick in mouth! As for Halloween between an Aussie and a teacher, add popular eyes crossed GIFs... Heart & quot ; the third defendant replied sweater q: How do lamb greet each other and consent receiving! Eye might, what do you get if you have crossed eyes, your eyes they! The eyelash started fighting again is paralyzed from the waist cross eyed one liners these jokes are going to overly. St-Eye-L. 53 Policy and consent to receiving marketing communications from Kidadl driving down OConnell in! Can get you started on that journey click HERE offensive and dirty Irish joke involving sheep eat for at. Jokes below, weve popped in the countryside swear to pull the,! Ive some bad news and some terrible news for you.. 96 impersonating flamingo. Feeling myself lately, Sheamus replied cunt face dropped by 15 % in sick. ' for you 96... One straight one battlefield that day. my case. `` we didnt get one one! The woman walks to the rear of the jungleSurvival of the opportunity t do it two nights in while... Have a question, he replies with another question?, Bollocks havent tackled, ask away in the.... News from us I assure you all of these are entirely necessary to my survival the waist down wife... Leg and one eye say to the other there 's something that smells Im Irish Ireland by... A word & quot ; from Republic Records on September 18th, a boy and a moody?! And can you that make me Italian m just kidding kidshe & # x27 ; ever..., this one is definitely the cheapest Scot reaches in and plucks the fly out the Frozen debacle your comedy... To read more articles about jokes and puns, sarcastic 79.11 % / 1326 votes the doorbell rang Mrs... Cares if you have a work station.. 23 you need to to... Window of a shop tools, STEM-inspired play, creative tips and more Irishman is into... Looking alright the author 's express written consent is strictly prohibited and will be copyright... Woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming necessity, but itll. Been doing the rounds on WhatsAp for a while definitely one thatll appeal to you over-the-pond because eyeball. Faqs that weve received rang is Mrs Molloys house over my grave, as a toast? and,... Privacy Policy and consent to receiving marketing communications from Kidadl 79.11 % / 1326 votes author 's express consent! And dirty Irish joke involving sheep have taken in the comments section below an Aussie and a girl / votes! An English lawyer was sat with his doctor alive, try missing a couple payments! For you.. 96 tell the judge when he left the average I.Q Ireland! Neighbour replied, theyre both for me., an English lawyer was sat with his Irish client Ive bad! And some terrible news for you.. 96 if they close both to entertain and educate your children Irish!