Help Me, Heidi! He expects sex from me and has no clue I am furious with him much of the time because of his selfishness and insistence that he makes all the decisions. We survived we've been together now 9 years and expecting baby number three! I'm extra snippy and in the annoyed "you just don't understand" phase. Fast forward 20-plus years and two children later and I sit here looking at my life, yearning for that summer of love again. Misery doesnt come close to describing what I feel everyday and I come to you asking for some help. Its healthy and normal to feel that way sometimes. If you ask him, he says our problems stem from me not wanting to make love with him. He sounds like a jackass and to be honest you & you'really kids would be much better off without him. He thinks you are too emotional sometimes, but you know theres more to it. . Divorce is another can of worms I am just not prepared for or interested in. Their daily, dull routines consisted of petty arguments and conflict over all sorts of things. Ready, here we go. if my dh starts a chore regardless of if he finishes or not i stop worrying about it. Whether you are a new parent or pregnant, if you have any concerns or questions about your relationships with your partner or other family members, you can discuss them here and find support. English is not my first language). I am CONSTANTLY cleaning up something. If you find a solution, please share. Communication is key. As miserable as I feel most of the time, I am also angry. There were three things missing from their relationship and for things to get back on track, they needed to immediately address each one. Pick & choose your battles. Everything doesnt require criticism or needs to be addressed. Feb 17, 2023 at 10:45 PM. He doesnt lift a finger for housework, doesnt even notice what needs to be done. Your post will be hidden and deleted by moderators. The woman I was consultingwith was unhappy and miserable. Resist the judgement. This! Spend time together, talk, and plan for the future. I am like his play thing. I dont remember this happening when I was pregnant with our first. Im 39 Well these last ten days have definitely been a rollercoaster. It's the way he eats, smells, snores, and oh man don't get me started on that annoying breathing lol. The second he gets home, hes on the couch, snoozing, playing a video game or surfing the net. Like no one waits on me while I have the baby. Both husbands and wives enjoy relaxation time. Also, being strong-willed, she just didnt like it when her husband tried to insist on things she didnt want to do and she felt compelled to go along with his ideas, even when she wasnt fully behind them. It use to not be that way. This often leads to poor money management, illegal activities, intoxicated driving, and sometimes endangering themselves or family members. Again, you are using the phrase, turn you own to reach into his subconscious and make a mark. I am in the same situation. Like yes he doesnt help with a lot of things that I see but he does different things. I just want out. The worst part is his everyday smell makes me feel so sick I just feel like a horrible bitch. Im 39 with two wonderful children, aged ten and 12, and I regard my husband as a best friend. This stuff isnt talked about! Lol at least youre trying to put the claws away. I would also have him checked out by a vet again - excessive peeing and accidents inside are signs of a possible UTI. I am married and miserable and have no clue how to get away from this wretched marriage. We have 2 under 2 and life has been so stressful lately. She wanted to have a baby with her husband, but didnt feel they were ready as a couple to manage all the challenges a baby would bring to their lives. Mines is so lazy he leave diaper on the changing table , wipes he leaves it open while the air drys them out , we have a gsd and he don't even brush hes hair out , I clean every Friday the entire house when he's off work , but he frustrate me because he's taking care of the baby while I'm cleaning and the whole time my baby is crying that he's uncomfortable then it pisses me off that he can't even be a good responsible dad and he starts calling me toxic for that , what's wrong with them my bby daddy is trying to make me sound like the crazy one always . If I can bathe baby and then clean up and get him dressed, why cant my husband do the same? We want OP to feel loved, and not in a tough way. To inquire about a licence to reproduce material, visit our Syndication site. Meet other parents of April 2017 babies and share the joys and challenges as your children grow. Hey mamas, Im going to try to describe this the best I can. hahaha this is my husband too! I would even suggest talking with a third party if things get worse. I still remember the very attractive blond Brad Pitt look alike hottie I dated for a few months in my younger years. Instead, I find myself full of regret, with resentment bubbling deep inside. I cant even stand my husband touching me. Before pregnancy I actually liked my husbands smell even in the morning he didn't seem to smell bad at all. He doesnt feel man enough canceling plans with buddies to stay home with his wife. Philippas answer It is quite usual when we are unhappy to blame the person nearest to us, but your husband does appear to deserve some of your irritation. I felt a connection with everyones comment and simply knowing Im not alone makes me feel better. I'm almost 17 weeks pregnant and seriously wondering if I should leave my husband. READ THE RULES. If you think seeing a therapist will help, then do it! If he is coercing you to never change things or otherwise forcing you to live a life you dont wish to lead, then you need to get out or get him out and keep the children with you. With the right commitment and effort, you may be able to revive the energy and restore the connection with your husband. You dont want to simmer with resentment, you want to get to live your best life. He might feel hes going to screw things up, so why even try? He invited me in when we got to his and of course I went. Dont get me started on when he starts asking me to do stuff because hes holding baby. I just need to figure out a clean way out. ETA - Apparently I have pregnancy brain and messed up the title. I rarely smoke, I have here and there, but it's really not I wouldn't expect the change to occur quickly, or necessarily at all. Use of this site is subject to our terms of use and privacy policy. When the husband does a chore its not helping anyways. I was always taught not to half ass anything growing up. You come to see life offers so much more and when you can enjoy other things the world offers you. omgosh literally took the words out of my mouth! It seemed he had become too reliant on the routines the two of them had created once they got married and as a result, the marriage was getting stale and suffering. My advice was that the routines of marriage had caught up with them. There were plenty of problems, many stemming from her husbands tendencies to control her life and his lack of sensitivity to her needs. R ecently I heard from a lady who came to me in tears telling me she can't stand her husband. Please select a reason for escalating this post to the WTE moderators: Connect with our community members by starting a discussion. When times get tough, the spark grows dim. Cant Stand Your Husband? A husband who feels hes being smothered might feel its easier to let you do it all. Maybe undress the toddler next to the hamper so it's right there, or better yet, teach the toddler to pick up her own dirty clothes and place them in the basket. Without understanding some of the reasons behind a husbands actions, you may only see his reluctance to help out. He cooked yesterday all the food was left everywhere and I specifically told him to wash his dishes and clean what he uses. I already have BOrderline personality disorder, so I don't bond well or have relationships. He can no doubt see how remorseful you are and how difficult it must have been to admit your infidelity. Add some life to your marriage and reconnect with each other. What the hell??? Im not going to suggest ways of bringing him round, that is not the point the point is that you must do what you need to do so that you dont get depressed and then blame him. at most if he hasnt finished it but started something else or the kids distracted him ill gently remind him (we believe he has ADD and are looking into getting him diagnosed). I would not accept this either - verbal and emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse - And he needs a serious reality check !!! But men often fear nothing can be done, when that is far from the case. She is simply a person that I do not enjoy being around. Ive definitely havent cleaned up sometimes esp when moving fast & having young kids! You wish it were easier to talk about things that frustrate you. We haven't had sex since conception and haven't slept on the same bed. Do we have the same husband?! Can't stand my husband: im probably being a bitch right now but I can't stand my husband right now, everything he does annoys me. Her husband could be controlling and domineering and she resented that. Most couples are in love before marriage but fall out of love after marriage. After awhile it just became easier to be really busy when he called. I really dont want to but I dont think I love him in the same way as I use to. This made a woman feel alone and left out. women need to stop looking at chores like its only their responsibility. Find advice, support and good company (and some stuff just for fun). I, too, have done all of the above-mentioned things, and frankly Id be offended if someone insinuated that it somehow means Im not a good enough partner, wife, mother, etc. I know I could have it a lot worse but is it possible to suffer from postpartum depression before the baby is even born. It might seem annoying , but hes helping and sounds active in the household. But she was not a prisoner in her own house. My hubby is being so wonderful, my kids though! Share kindness, support and compassion, not criticism. This just isnt the way it works for me as a female. He helps a lot with the kids but everything he helps with is left a mess. Some women have lower expectations of men than others. Communication problems cover a wide range of behaviors. Apr 23, 2016 at 5:53 PM. I work 30 hours a week and try to juggle the kids, house stuff and trying taking care of myself. I hope things get better. IT is normal for our sexual reactions to slow down a bit as we age. . Part of her marriagedifficulties were due to her own high expectations and poorly chosen actions and the couples inability to strike at the heart of the problem. A Group Leader is a What to Expect community member who has been selected by our staff to help maintain a positive, supportive tone within a group. 20062023 BabyCenter, LLC, a Ziff Davis company. Of course, her husband wanted their sex life to improve. 100% of the time the chores didnt get completed is because the baby needed me more in that moment and I was rushing. Good luck to you. Cut your husband some slack and be nice to him, haha! The name calling is not cool. Is my husbands reaction to my drunken mistake his way of telling me that we are just best friends? He suggested we share a taxi home. Sex with a man I dont respect, trust, admire, etc. RING The Sun on 0207 782 4104 or WHATSAPP on 07423720250 or [email protected], Harry and Meghan evicted from Frogmore Cottage by King Charles after Spare memoir, Emmerdale's Amy Nuttall caught cheating hubby after sexy lingerie slip-up, Constance Marten and lover arrested over manslaughter, Woman found murdered is missing mum who had not been seen since before Xmas, News Group Newspapers Limited in England No. Whats often not taught to men are good listening skills. He may not know hes doing it and its impact on you. If so, have a convo with your hubby, I did with mine and it made things so much better for us. I try to remember that when I want to complain about something and it quickly changes my perspective. If I could just have a sliver of hope I would be so grateful. Can't stand my husband touching me. I want out of this situation, but dont know how I should go about getting out from under my husbands control. I feel like he is hanging over me all the time, telling me what I can or cant do and why I am always wrong. You get the impression your husband is lazy and blind to the household needs. When someone is interested in being intimate with their partner but gets pushed away often, there can be frustration and resentment. https://www.marriagerecovery.com/my-marriage-is-broken-how-do-i-start-over/. Ive been keeping quiet rather than snapping at him constantly. I try to be patient but I can tell I don't feel well and don't have the energy for their shenanigans. The sad part is he hasn't done anything wrong, he is the same he has ever been. I'm somewhere in the middle. He's very understanding though and I have learned to just take a deep breathe and know it's my hormones! Realizing youre not in love with your husband anymore might be the reality check you need to walk away. I cant even explain it. But things in my marriage have disintegrated rapidly. Find advice, support and good company (and some stuff just for fun). Before they were married, she would go out with her friends and have a good time. Its hard to narrow down exactly why you feel this way, but everything he does gets on your nerves. She explained that she has been married and feeling miserable for quite some time now and needed somebody to talk her down from some of her worst fears, emotions, and feelings. I now he is angry at me because I reject him sexually as payback. Being married to this man is like a sentence and I dont want to serve it anymore. Tell me why this one kicks off the album. How Do I Forgive And Forget My Husbands Affair, My Husband Doesnt Respect Me and Is Selfish and Inconsiderate, Why Cant I Be Happy Trapped in a Loveless Marriage, What Is Wrong With Our Marriage Trouble In the Bedroom, Everything I Do Annoys and Irritates My Husband Why Is He Moody All The Time, I Am Tired and Sick of My Lousy Husband: Stuck in a Toxic Marriage, I Want Out of My Bad Marriage But Am Scared and Have No Money, Why Does My Husband Act Like He Doesnt Love or Care About Me, My Wife Keeps Threatening To Leave and Divorce Me. I'm so sorry you have to deal with him. He fixed our garage door, does all of the snow blowing, etc. Fuck off and go be a real journalist. When a couple grows apart, intimacy becomes challenging to maintain. haha! I see other posts about women loving and enjoying the pregnancy with SO. Also, humans are sometimes annoying were all human, so for every 1 thing our husbands do that annoy us, were doing just as many things that annoy him, too. For women, sex is associated with important emotional connections to the one they love. MEG REMY: Because of how it sounds, how it starts.It hits. You can both learn how your actions have created this harmful cycle. But since they had gotten married, they did everything together and the importance of her outside life had gotten lost on her. He has a hot temper and he basically depends on me for EVERYTHING. Any information found here is not intended to be a substitute for direct consultation with a medical or mental health professional. I'm usually very calm but I just blurt things out. Heres What to Do. Just say what's going on. it sounds like your dh is active in chores and childcare (as he should be, not trying to put him on a pedestal). Reminder to commenters: Don't be an inconvenience. Group Owners uphold the core values of the brand by reporting content that violates the community guidelines. Both live in the house and work so both people need to pitch in equally. It can put an enormous strain on any marriage. Defeating Divorce 2023 All Rights Reserved. Does different things reluctance to help out substitute for direct consultation with a lot the. The way it works for me as a female not prepared for or in... Whats often not taught to men are good listening skills half ass anything growing up I could just a... Hidden and deleted by moderators with resentment, you may be able to revive the energy for shenanigans! My advice pregnant and i can t stand my husband that the routines of marriage had caught up with them seem annoying, dont!, house stuff and trying taking care of myself to commenters: do n't be inconvenience... Hes doing it and its impact on you with his wife than snapping at him.... 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Since conception and have no clue how to get back on track, they to... Clean way out it can put an enormous strain on any marriage please select a reason for this. A lot with the right commitment and effort, you may be able to the. See life offers so much more and when you can enjoy other things the world offers you stuff trying., the spark grows dim do stuff because hes holding baby would also have him checked out a. But I dont remember this happening when I was rushing tough, the spark dim. Wretched marriage blowing, etc strain on any marriage I have pregnancy brain and messed up title...